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estemilyrose

Month

January 2017

Misinterpretation

You think you know who you are, you think you know exactly what you want to be
Then someone comes strolling in, carelessly
You long for their approval, their “ok” to do things that make you happy

You try to remind yourself that this is what you wanted
But nothing has ever felt so destructive and manipulative
Nothing has ever shown you so much hate but tried to convince you otherwise

Now you’re confused, and you don’t know up from down
You’re hands are broken and bleeding from holding on so fucking tight
To something that is pulling so hard and strong in the opposite direction

But because it’s labeled as “love,” you read it and abide
You do your part but nothing is reciprocated
You give all you have until you’re completely empty

You wouldn’t know love if it punched you in the face

Fuck you

He’s sleeping, and I’m breaking
The voice in my head returns to remind me that I want a cigarette for the 46th time in the last hour

What has become of me?
I toss and turn, beating myself for betraying certain aspects of me that I worked so hard to maintain for so long–
They were stripped away so carelessly and easily because I was vulnerable to the rush of rebellion

Sometimes when you love someone, you let yourself go
It’s never beautiful

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